Pro and Con List

I had a friend call me the other day. She was dating a man for a while and wanted my advice on how the relationship was progressing and whether she should continue in it. I thought it was funny that she consulted me about her relationship and not him, but I understood her motivation. As the conversation progressed, she explained that he had become distant, aloof and secretive. All red flags, if you ask me, and I told her that. To make a long story short, I suggested she do a pro and con list to evaluate the relationship. I cautioned her not to sanitize the negative aspects and to be honest with herself about the positive aspects. You can imagine how that little exercise turned out. The con side of the list was twice as long as the pro side, yet she still thought it was a viable relationship. Often times a friend may come to you knowing the answer to a problem. They may be hoping you will validate a situation or relationship, which will give them the opportunity to make a decision that is probably not the best one for them. Be very careful of getting caught in this situation. Have them do a pro/con list and then discuss the true aspects of the situation, based on the facts, not necessarily the desired outcome.

Dr. D. Clutter™

Perception

I recently reconnected with a friend from college to whom I had not spoken in over 10years. We spent time hearing about each other’s lives during that 10 year period, including all of the highs and lows, successes and successful failures. It was, as if we’d never lost communication. She still had an infectious laugh and a pleasing personality. She told me I was as “perfect” as she remembered. What?? Okay, let’s stop a moment. “Perfect” was her adjective, not mine. I do not claim perfection, ever, well, maybe in the game Perfection, but that’s it. So I quickly had to correct that false observation and perception. That’s too much pressure for any mere human to bear, yes even me-kidding. It was a sobering thought to know that she’d viewed my life as one of perfection, when I was keenly aware of my weaknesses and shortcomings and thought I’d represented myself as true to form while in college. Isn’t it amazing how someone else’s perception of you may not be a realistic and true representation of who you are? Not that we are responsible for how others view us, but it was an eye-opening moment for me. I’d always considered myself to be transparent-not holding too much back from those around me. Not that I dwell on my imperfections, because I acknowledge them, as they are as much a part of me as my strengths. How do you think other people view you and what are your thoughts about their perceptions? Do you find them to be an accurate assessment or so far off of the mark that they must be looking at someone else?

Dr. D. Clutter™

Go Through

Do you enjoy unpleasant situations? Probably not!! Most of us tend to avoid those situations, people and things that are negative, cause us pain, distress or are difficult and unpleasant. Not to sound overly simplistic or to minimize your situation, but sometimes the most effective way out of those instances and circumstances is to go straight through them. Yes, it may be difficult and you may encounter resistance, but sometimes you really have to go through to get through. So, whatever obstacle is blocking your path today, face it head on, deal with it and hopefully you’ll gain valuable insights that will serve you in the future. More than that I hope you’ll find a successful resolution.

Dr. D. Clutter™

Mail, Mail, Go Away!!

What’s your relationship with your postal carrier? Do you turn off the lights and pretend you’re not home in hopes he will just walk on by? Have you posted no trespassing signs, hoping to deter delivery of your mail? Probably not, but if you’re like a lot of people, mail is not on your list of favorites. Why do you suppose that is? For many, receiving mail has become a headache. It just seems to pile up without any end in sight. Of course that would be a true statement if your mail was an actual object with human properties and could perform the feats we’ve come to attribute to it, but alas, it is not. It’s inanimate. Mail cannot “pile up” or “creep in” or anything else. It’s our inability to deal with it effectively that’s the issue. Okay, here’s the solution. Deal with your mail as soon as it is delivered!! I know that’s a shocking revelation to some of you, but it is the best solution. Decide whether a piece of mail is to be kept (and acted upon), shredded, or filed. Take action so that you don’t have to hide in your house from your friendly mail carrier. After all, what did she ever do to you but deliver your mail? Don’t blame the messenger!!

Dr. D. Clutter™

Brand Loyalty

Both of my grandmother’s were brand loyal. Once they found something they liked, believe me, they did not budge. If it was Sanka or Maxwell House, Pepsi or Coke, that’s what they would buy. It didn’t matter if those items weren’t on sale, and the store brand was-they were loyal. It was a different time then. Those two ladies would have put many of the modern day financial gurus to shame with their ability to budget. Yes, they were brand loyal, but they made sure that despite that, they never went over budget. It still amazes me how much they did with so little, but they did it. Now, I’m a little different. Even though I’m a brand-name type of lady, I like keeping as much of my money in my bank account as possible. I value quality as well, so I won’t purchase an inferior product, but I don’t allow myself to become so brand loyal that I have to file for bankruptcy to have those things. One of my mottos is, “If it’s not on sale, I don’t need it”. I live for a sale and I love discounts and bargains. Let’s face it, in these difficult economic times, we may all have to reevaluate our spending habits. It pays to be a savvy consumer. If you manage your finances properly, you too can “splurge” on the brand names, but if not, stay in the “bargain” aisle until you can.

Dr. D. Clutter™

Moving in the Wrong Direction

I know someone who recently moved into a new house. I was very excited for them, so I offered, as a house warming gift, free pre and post moving decluttering services. That way, they would not take the clutter from the old place to the new house. Well, how many of you would be surprised to learn that my offer was not accepted? I wasn’t. Anyway, as the move day grew closer and closer, I watched as the family packed all of their belongings into old boxes, trash bags, luggage and anything else that could hold “stuff”. There was not a label of contents to be found. No grouping of like items or even grouping by room. Nope, shoes went in with books and dishes went in with sheets-chaos. The move was disorganized, to say the least. Now the clutter and disorganization has been transported to the new house, which was a blank slate and a clutter-free zone. Not anymore. I’m sure some of you are saying, “I would have accepted the help”, but again, I’m not surprised. If you don’t think you have a problem and someone offers help to you for a problem you don’t or won’t recognize, it makes perfect sense. How successful do you think they will be in organizing the new house? I’m not saying that they won’t eventually get it done, but it could have been an easier transition with a little pre/post-move preparation. Why work harder when you don’t have to?

Dr. D. Clutter™

Decisions, Decisions, Decisions!!

Do you ever wish you could have a day when you didn't have to make any decisions, big or small? Well, until that day comes (like the someday you often hear me talk about), you are going to have to make hundreds of decisions a day, many without even realizing that you're making them. Next, question. Have you ever had a day when you just can't seem to make a decision so you decide that you won't decide, so that becomes your decision? I know, confusing, isn't it? During an online seminar, many participants voiced concern over their inability to make decisions, choosing instead to allow "whatever' was "meant to be" to happen. Well, surprise, they've made a decision, if only by default. Look, making decisions or choices is a necessary part of life, whether you are an active, willing participant or a passive, reluctant one. Your ability to make the best choices that help you function at your most optimal can shape your life in the most positive way. Don't sit idly by and let indecisiveness rule your life.


Dr. D. Clutter™